You Can’t Make Excuses for Abuse

Posted: February 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

image from google images

By Hanna Munin

The purpose of this post is to debunk the excuses of abusive relationships. The bottom line is that there are no excuses for abusive behavior. Abuse is a choice, not matter what mentality. More than that, it’s the wrong choice. While it’s hard to hear, we can’t make excuses for a person’s unjustified behavior. So throughout the blog, there will be common “excuses” for abuse, and what the response to that is. This is a resource you can use to show a person who feels that they can justify their partners abusive behavior and prove that the bottom line is no, abuse is never okay.

A common misconception is that people who grew up in an abusive household have are justified to act abusively. It is true that people who grow up in an abusive households are more likely to be abusive, however ultimately the choices that they make are their own. It’s easier to understand why this excuse doesn’t work if you look at it in a different view. Let’s say your sister cheated on every test she ever took. She cheated on standardized tests, pop quizzes, the whole shebang. You know that cheating is wrong, but if your sister does it then it doesn’t seem so wrong. While it does become desensitized a bit, you know that it’s wrong and you shouldn’t do it just because your family member does it. Now take that example and replace cheating with abuse. Does it make a little bit of sense now?

Some people think that batterers are abusive because they have low self esteem and need to take it out on someone else. The truth is, batterers have higher self esteem because they have a person who has to rely on them for everything and they are in complete control of someone else and anyone who comes in contact with them. Another excuse is drugs and alcohol. Something to consider here is that abuse is not a side effect of drugs and alcohol. While drugs and alcohol can alter your judgement, it does not become a reason for someone to hurt someone that they are supposed to care for.

If you know someone who’s partner exhibits behavior that you think is wrong but someone is making excuses for them, make it clear that there is no excuse for abuse. Abuse is a choice, and it is the wrong one. A relationship is about love, feelings, excitement, and joy. A relationship is not about isolation, manipulation, or violence.


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