Do You See Red Flags?

Posted: May 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

by Gidon

What are considered to be Red Flags within a relationship?

Red Flags are warning signals in a relationship that will, more than likely, lead to abusive results from one partner to the other.

The above definition clearly states what the term “Red Flag” indicates for your own discretion so that the following information may be comprehensive to your understanding.

Throughout my 24 years of breathing on this here earth, not until I was about 21, did it ever occurred to me the amount of relationships that have abusive activity going on within them. Up until I became more educated on the issue, I lived as if the majority of people who called themselves “partners” or “lovers” had few flaws but nothing too extreme or out the ordinary of the world in my mind.

It comes to no surprise at how shocked I grew when hearing the dreadful statistics of women who experience rape, sexual abuse and violence on a day to day encounter. The more I dwelled into this world of undeserving torment, the more the stories became more unbearable to hear. I’ve heard true stories of women who survived the wrath of bestiality and bloodshed, crude words and verbal assault on their very souls, and then the tales of those women who didn’t make it out this war of terror alive.

Hearing the amazing strength of these women eventually gave me the courage to do some research within my own family just to see how close to home this reality can be. Indeed, my mother, sisters, aunt tees and grandmother have similar tales of violence tattooed in their memories. I can only imagine with the proper knowledge, undying support and good amounts of resourceful backing, how many of these victims of violence would have suffered the on-going inflicting pain due to fear or lack. Through the research of dedicated individuals who strive to end this meaningless violence, has arisen what is known as red flags for abusive relationships, in order to prevent further misfortunes from occurring. I have spoken to many victims of domestic and dating violence over the years, both men and women, and I’ve gained a collective amount of information to share with you on the warning signs of what to be aware of in a potentially abusive relationship.

Red Flags for an abusive relationship

1. Possessiveness – Tells you what to wear and where you can or can’t go. Tells you who can’t see or speak to. Constant text messaging or email. Asking for your whereabouts all the time.

2. Deceptive– Change in personality from the first time you’ve gotten to know them.

3. Selfish behavior – Blames you for everything including how they treat you. Forces sex on you when you don’t want to. Steals or takes your money. Takes you for granted. Wanting to spend too much time way too fast.

4. Accusation– Assumes you are cheating, flirting with others all the time.

5. Drug abuse– Drug and alcohol addiction. Encourages you to do drugs or alcohol when you don’t want to.

6. Physical abuse – Uses violence (punches, bites, or kicks). Gets rough with you (push, pull, shove, squeeze, restrain). Uses weapons. Has a background of violence and anger issues with the law or school. Forces you to take drugs or alcohol.

7. Verbal abuse – Calls you offensive names to hurt you and make you feel low. Makes vulgar statements about others in your midst to purposely offend you. Puts down your family and friends, also by calling them names. Tells you to shut up.

8. Secrecy– Lies about their whereabouts. Breaks commitment without notice. Keeps their activities private and away from you.

9. Carelessness – No job or don’t go to school. Major change of moods (from good to worse in a matter of minutes). Cheats on you or has multiple partners. Compares you to other partners. Gives you the silent treatment. Hangs up the phone on you. Ignores your opinions. Doesn’t listen to what you have to say.

10. Manipulation – Threatens to kill themselves or others if you break up with them. Tells you “they cannot live without you.” Tells you nice things to get something from you or so you won’t leave them.

There are many more RED FLAGS to be waved, I’m sure. This list is from my own observation but I hope and pray it helps someone out there that is seeking a way out of a terrible situation.


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